Ever scrolled LinkedIn, read your connections’ posts and thought, “This is giving Stockholm syndrome”? Fear of being replaced has turned much of your network into performers grinning on cue for whoever controls their pay.
Then there’s the AI-written “I pick up the phone and make my dials. NOW, here’s what I learned” style of post that has taken over LinkedIn. It’s a shame all on its own. Your professional network is just that: professional. I don’t care what your kids ate for breakfast, or how your three-year-old talked you out of your cornflakes and following her lead is how you closed your latest deal.
No one cares.
Facebook is for the useless drivel about your kids and your latest Orange Man Bad/Good rant. On LinkedIn, people mostly want to know where you work and whether you know someone who can help them hit a target. You know… business networking.
But on LinkedIn you have to project strength at all times. Everything is going well. You are the master of the universe, and by the power of numbskulls, you have the power.
You wouldn’t guess it from the job ads, though. They’re now a laundry list of years of experience and qualifications that wouldn’t get the CEO, or Jesus, an offer letter. Plenty of them say “We value you like family,” followed by a benefits section offering the legal minimum.
In this role, you’ll prospect new clients, run the entire sales cycle, deliver your own demos, write case studies from scratch, be the marketing team and own a year of aftercare, across the whole target list. All while attending every mandatory fluff meeting.
Six jobs for the pay of one… and 7% commission. Anything else?
No social media or side projects.
Why?
Well, we’ve loaded you up so much you’ll be working 11-hour days anyway. And employees with options leave.
Oh, so like a modern slave?
This guy gets it.
That’s where the cringe comes from. Sure, I’ve started my own business, so maybe I’m throwing salty peanuts from the cheap seats. But there are only so many interesting ways to say “I make cold calls.”
None.
Business people, especially the sales types, were always a bit cringe. Add hustle-bro culture and the fear that AI will take their job and send them back to the shine box, or worse… retraining… and you get a wave of insufferable, millennial-perennial poseurs. It’s the meme of the man crying behind the smiling mask, posted daily with the caption “Agree?”